I Can’t Believe It…She Lied!
Yeah right, like we don’t know our kids will lie to us. It happens somewhere around puberty. Before that, they’re all sweetness and light, well, sort of.
I have a twelve year old, a sixteen year old, and a seventeen year old soon to be eighteen. I’m not worrying about the sixteen year old. She went to live with her biological mother for fourteen months and she is completely screwed up now. Came home to me to lick her wounds and get her life straight again. Not sure how she is going to do all of that though. Although the first thing is to get her GED. Yep, Mother of the Year, not only signed for her to quit school, but encouraged it. Mom of the Year also signed for her to get married to a twenty one year old. How the hell do you straighten that out?
The twelve year old is pretty kewl. I can handle him right now. lol
But I’m getting off topic here.
The seventeen year old is lying left and right. I keep telling her that there is nothing she is doing that I haven’t done. There is no sex act that I am not aware of, no drug I don’t know about, no stupid teenage game I haven’t played.
She thinks of me as old fashioned. I pulled up one of my books and said, “Read this.” She read about two sentences, jumped up and ran and locked herself in her bedroom. Good. I was pissed off to the max. I stay that way lately. What’s wrong with the world?
I’ll show her old fashioned.
I’ve always been open with the kids about everything. There is no subject I’ve ever considered taboo. Why is it I can’t be trusted? I’m just plain sick of it. If you tell me you need x amt of dollars to do something or you are going to spend the night with a friend and then it turns out you bought something totally different with the money or you did not spend the night with that friend, then I’ve caught you in a lie. When I’m lied to I think I have the right to get upset. Just tell me the truth.
She’s on the pill. So no worry over pregnancy. I bought her condoms to protect her from STD’s. Lectured her on the fact that you should get to know a guy for at least a few dates before you spread your legs, so what is the problem? What am I leaving out here? And why is she doing the crap anyway and lying to me?
Hmmm, guess it could be that I’m paying for her cell phone, can cut it and the comp off at any time and can take her car from her. Maybe I should just do all of that right now and she can stay home until she stops lying.
Is anyone else having these problems? Advice please, cause the rewards system no longer works. And she’s too big to spank.
February 17th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
TEss,
I am used to working w/ sever nuerological students. But here is the thing….She is asserting her independance. She is in a very negative way establishing her boundries. Instad of telling you (MOM) what the $$ is actually for, She will say what ever gets her the cash. If she tells you she is going to actually buy ???would you give her the $$$? Probably not because you would encourage her not to toy buy that paricular item.
If she told you she was going to an all night frat party would you let her go? HELL NO! but if she tells you she is spending the night with a friend, now that is different. She didn’t lie…She just didn’t tell you what house she would be at….A little spin on words. Kids like that….exact, literal terms. Drives me up the wall.
She is no different that we were at her age. She just thiks she’s outsmarted you.
For lying, I would take away one of the priveleges that most affect her and least affect you. The cell phone is a good one. She can’t communicate w/ her friends, you can monitor her friends….She can earn it back when she proves she won’t lie anymore.
IT TAKES 10 GOOD THINGS TO MAKE UP FOR ONE BAD THING….
TOO OLD TO SPANK. My mother was 17 years old when she got her last spanking. My brother was 2 days from turning 18 when he got his.
February 18th, 2009 at 12:22 am
Well actually, that’s the thing, Sassy, she is not outsmarting me. The child is not good at lying and I catch her every time. She knows it too. Usually, I put a stop to whatever stupid thing she is about to do before she does it. She always tells her friends that I not only have eyes in the back of my head but all the way around. When I find out what she is about to do, I try not to put a complete damper on her plans, but sit down and alter her plans enough that she is safe and still gets her freedom.
She does love the idea of her independence and she is exercising it left and right for sure. lol It’s not so much I mind that she drank alcohol on New Year’s Eve or the fact she took a toke off a joint. Or the fact she is indeed having sex. It’s the fact that she is not willing to take the benefit of the advice from those who have gone before her and can save her so much trouble and heartbreak. And damn it, don’t lie to me. I’m not the big bad wolf. lol
And I never lied to my parents. Never. I knew up front that my mother would kill me. No grounding, no sit down and let’s talk about it. She would have picked up the first available weapon and beaten me senseless. Makes me wonder if I should just turn her over my knee and bust her ass! Thanks Sassy, I’m going to tell my sister what you said. She’s about ready to wash her hands of the child because she has started giving me such a hard time.
February 19th, 2009 at 5:44 am
I have a 17 yr old (boy) and a 13 yr old (girl). I don’t know if I can be much help though. I didn’t dare mess with my parents. Like you the belt would have come out. My daughter is a late bloomer so she’s still human. My son pushes the envelope with schoolwork more than the social issues. He will swear up and down that he doesn’t have any homework and then I find out he’s getting a D because he hasn’t turned in homework. Stupid things like turning in progress reports. In the 5th grade he tested repeatedly at a 9-12 grade reading level. He tested in the 99th perctile level nationally in math. He’s doing well now because I took EVERYTHING he enjoyed away. He only slowly earned anything back. Maybe it wasn’t me comimg back at him and ranting everycouple of hours. Maybe it was his dad finally just saying he didn’t care anymore. Let the kid mess up his own life.
Thankfully the group of kids he hangs out with all seem like great kids.
Three of my coworkers have kids in the same age group that were all in trouble. For one, they moved (Dad was military) and the new enviroment helped.
For the second, son moved to be with him because mom couldn’t handle him anymore. Dad was ready to pull out his hair for the first year until the son got involved in sports something he’s great at. Now the son hangs out with an all new crowd and doesn’t really have time to get in trouble. To many after school activities.
For the third, son had a job which she thought would keep him out of trouble. Instead the coworkers were doing drugs. Unfortunately for him she’s an ex-cop with an allergy to pot and a highly colorful past of her own. She called the cops on him. I suspect they were friends of hers and that’s why it didn’t go very far. She came down on him like a ton of bricks for his remaining time at home. I actually felt sorry for the kid. i guess he needed the really firm bounries though since he straightened out.
February 19th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Those are some stories, Lynda. My 17 yr old works part time and is a senior. I get the same thing–no homework, yet when I get interim progress reports or report cards, there are homework assignments with zeros next to them. She doesn’t need any of the credits to graduate, but that’s beside the point. It lowers her gpa. She is college bound in the fall, why screw up now?
And I am so incredibly open minded. There is no reason for her not to talk to me. Yet she doesn’t. I’m not someone who wants to be her best bud, and try to be a disciplinarian, but God how I wish my mom had been like me. Guided me rather than tried to kill me if she didn’t agree.
Hopefully, I can keep her in line long enough to get her through college and into some meaningful relationship instead of flitting through boy after boy.
Thanks for sharing, Lynda.
March 12th, 2010 at 11:41 pm
Excellent! If I could write like this I would be well chuffed. The more I see articles of such quality as this (which is rare), the more I think there might be a future for the Web. Keep it up, as it were.